My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
