What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
