I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
