I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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