We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
