YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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