what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
