I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
