Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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