He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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