i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
