You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
