Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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