Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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