At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
