Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
