I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
