i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
