Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
