Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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