I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
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