I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
