after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
