last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
