Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He shit in the fireplace
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
