it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
