I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
