My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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