you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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