i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
