Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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