She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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