I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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