He is an equal opportunity slut.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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