No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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