Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
