He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
