I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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