so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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