Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
