I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
