Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
