wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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