Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
