This girl is more easily done than said...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
