Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize