yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
