So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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