You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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