I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i've created a new STD.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
