Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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