3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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