Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize