got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
