I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize