I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
