I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize