Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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