Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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