I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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