Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he had hair everywhere except his balls