dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
