Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

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  (808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn
  Replies (24) Good night (1083) Bad night (2505)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

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  (864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa
  Replies (51) Good night (18077) Bad night (1254)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...

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  (614): she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean... http://tfl.nu/ja4j
  Replies (23) Good night (856) Bad night (4140)
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  (530): View more from California

  I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.

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  (530): I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/7iib
  Replies (54) Good night (4710) Bad night (872)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.

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  (319): This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner. http://tfl.nu/r7j7
  Replies (7) Good night (911) Bad night (3042)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.

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  (608): hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink. http://tfl.nu/2o9s
  Replies (4) Good night (1292) Bad night (587)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.

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  (307): Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory. http://tfl.nu/grsq
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (782)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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  (647): I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway. http://tfl.nu/bxvu
  Replies (8) Good night (2556) Bad night (779)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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  (970): I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk. http://tfl.nu/5c91
  Replies (11) Good night (1290) Bad night (541)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.

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  (+44): When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone. http://tfl.nu/uct6
  Replies (4) Good night (589) Bad night (1258)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That would explain all the random shit in my room...

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  (979): Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty. (512): That would explain all the random shit in my room... http://tfl.nu/75zy
  Replies (2) Good night (1827) Bad night (556)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.

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  (704): CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY. http://tfl.nu/twru
  Replies (6) Good night (1096) Bad night (472)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.

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  (307): I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it. http://tfl.nu/nkno
  Replies (4) Good night (397) Bad night (1022)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.

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  (412): I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole. http://tfl.nu/a32r
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (329)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom

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  (203): Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom http://tfl.nu/ba36
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (288)

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