I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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