The maid of honor just puked.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize