I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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