I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
honey bunches of taint.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.