i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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