he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
