He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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