i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
