these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are we still banned from the library?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
