I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
