dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
