our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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