haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
