there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
