I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
