I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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