I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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