I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
