i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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