Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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