He is like the real live version of the state fair..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
