did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dear god my vagina.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
