My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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