big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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