Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
