1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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