i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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