this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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