well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
