frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize