is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
