I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just took my morning after pill in the library
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
