i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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