you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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