White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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